


Dissonance

by aimeewrites



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Love saves all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:55:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28984479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimeewrites/pseuds/aimeewrites
Summary: PRAX: The shuttles have disappeared from sensors. We've scanned for a wormhole. If there was one, it's gone. I'll order Janeway and her crew removed. We'll confiscate the vessel, deliver them to the nearest detention centre.“Indeed." ....I've always found the end of Counterpoint an anticlimax - so this is a dark answer to what would have happened if Kashyk hadn't given the bridge back to its Captain.please heed the warning - I've been listening again to KM's autobiography, and this is the result
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

_PRAX: The shuttles have disappeared from sensors. We've scanned for a wormhole. If there was one, it's gone. I'll order Janeway and her crew removed. We'll confiscate the vessel, deliver them to the nearest detention centre._

“Indeed. Gather the women in Cargo Bay 1 – I’ll come and select the ones that will serve as comfort women for our officers. You can put the men in Cargo Bay 2 – no need to encumber our ships – and check again for telepaths.”

Kashyk stood up and turned towards Janeway, smirking. “Well, Captain – how does it feel when the music stops and you lose the game?”

“There’s an old Earth saying, Inspector – it’s not over till the fat lady sings.”

He laughed and ordered two of his men to point their weapons at her. Janeway tilted her head upwards and followed him out of her bridge. She was trying for arrogance, but her heart was breaking. She had, until a few minutes before, let part of herself believe in Kashyk’s lies. His betrayal cut deep, and her powerlessness was unbearable. At least the Brenari were safe. But in saving them, had she doomed her crew?

When she arrived in the cargo bay, she saw that the Devore had indeed separated the men from the women, and aligned the latter against the wall. They all stood proudly at attention, and Janeway knew they would do their duty to the end, but she ground her teeth as she saw the younger, cuter members of her crew being shoved forward and huddled in a circle. Kashyk stared at Seven for a minute.

“Shall we take her, Sir?”

“No – not with that piece of machinery on her. The others like their pleasure slaves perfect.”

Janeway released the breath she hadn’t known she had been holding. She had never been so glad the Doctor hadn’t removed all of Seven’s implants. As she was pushed into the circle and handcuffed, however, she felt the fear of the members of her crew. As Voyager’s mission had originally been a short one, it had been chosen for several crewmen and women for their first away mission, like for Harry Kim or Tal Celes. Although they all tried to put up a brave face, she remembered how she had felt when as an Ensign, she and Admiral Paris had been captured by the Cardassians. She didn’t know whether the Devore were more or less cruel than the Cardassians, but considering how Kashyk had played her and their hunting of telepaths, she feared the worst. B’Elanna, handcuffed like the rest of them, was glowering at the Devore – Janeway hoped she wouldn’t try anything that would get her shot on the spot. She took Samantha Wildman’s hand in hers and pressed it, trying to infuse a little comfort as she knew the woman would be frantic about Naomi, who wasn’t with them.

“Let them go,” she tried to plead with Kashyk. “I’ll go with you, but let them go.”

“Oh, you’re coming all right, “Captain” – but I have several officers who need company too. Your Federation really shouldn’t have women on its ships. Devore women know their place.”

Then, addressing Prax, he said: “Draw up a roster – the officers not on duty can have first pick.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Turning back to Janeway, he smiled: “You’re coming with me, “Captain”.

She wanted to kick and scream and spit at him. Instead, she followed him with her head held high and her back ramrod straight despite the handcuffs pulling her wrists in front of her at an awkward ankle. In silence. Her mind was working frantically to find a solution to their predicament, but so far, she drew a blank. Kashyk led her to her quarters and freed her hands.

“Get out of that uniform, Kathryn – the ship is mine now. You’re not the captain anymore. You’re going to do your duty as a woman. From the way you kissed me in the shuttle bay, I assume you know what that means.”

Janeway felt her cheeks heat up and cursed her pale complexion.

“If you thought for a second I had any feelings for you, Inspector, you’re even more deluded than I thought”, she spat. And yet… That’s what she wanted him to believe, but she would never have kissed him if she hadn’t trusted him, at least a little. She was the deluded one, the stupid one. And now her ship and her crew were in danger. What about Tuvok and Vorik? Would they get caught? What about the other women? 

Kashyk grabbed his weapon, pointing it at her. She stared at him – if he was going to kill her, she would die proudly, with her eyes open. Instead, his gun neatly cut her uniform in several parts, which fell to the floor, leaving her naked, with burning sensations on her chest, arms and legs.

“I told you to get naked – I am sorry I had to help you. I hate to see a beautiful woman marked. Art should remain intact.”

Instinctively, she raised her hands to protect her private parts and her breasts from his eyes, but he grabbed her wrists and forced her to kneel, her hands behind her back. She tried to get up but the weapon was once more pointed at her.

“I wouldn’t, Kathryn. The sooner you accept you’re not in charge anymore, the better.”

“Don’t call me Kathryn! You’ve lost that right, Inspector.”

“I’ll call you whatever I want, and you’ll do whatever I want. I know you, Kathryn – you wouldn’t want to hurt any of your crew, would you? I have a Cargo bay full of them – at my mercy. I would not hesitate…”

He was right. Even if she was willing sacrificed herself, she would do anything to protect her crew. She was the one who had decided to transport the Brenari in the first place. She was responsible. She sank back down on her heels. He stopped aiming at her to take off his armour, laying his weapon negligently on the couch, and she lunged, not really thinking straight, taking a desperate chance. He was on her in a second, backhanding her to the floor, snarling. “I said I didn’t want to hurt you, woman, not that I wouldn’t!”

Grabbing her by the wrists once more, he administered a series of blow to her behind and her legs before grabbing her chin and dragging her lips into a dry, painful kiss. He then threw her once more on the floor and unzipped his trousers. Janeway whimpered from the pain, hating herself for this show of weakness. He pushed her face between his leg and entered her mouth. She gagged at the deep assault and her eyes watered. Never a favourite act of hers, this intrusion turned into a nightmare under the circumstances. When he was satisfied, he hoisted her up on the sofa and took her, thrusting and pumping as she lay still, gritting her teeth against the pain.

She observed the blood on the sofa detachedly – scientifically, even. She hadn’t bled like that since her first period and she saw that her aggressor looked faintly disgusted. Maybe Devore women didn’t bleed? It had been so long for her that she didn’t wonder at that outcome – she was just glad it was over. He was zipping his trousers back on – he hadn’t even bothered getting naked to rape her. She remained laying down, eyes closed, and fought of the other women – she prayed she would be the only victim, and knew it was unlikely. It was all her fault – from the beginning. When he told her to go and get cleaned up, she got up, avoiding his eyes and went straight to the sonic shower, wishing she could take a bath. She would never feel clean again anyway.

He left her there – in her quarters, a prisoner. He had de-activated the replicator and her access codes to the door. Janeway curled up into a ball on the floor and wept.


	2. Chapter 2

A month after the Devore tragic event, Kathryn Janeway had changed. She never slept, never ate – but that was nothing new – and never touched anyone anymore. She spent as much time as possible under the sonic shower, though, and never felt clean. She had reverted to the aloof and stiff captain she had been when Voyager had first got lost in the Delta Quadrant. Many didn’t notice – they were still traumatised from their ordeal in the hands of the Devore. If Seven hadn’t managed to contact the Brenari and they hadn’t come to their help, they would probably all be dead. They had suffered two casualties, one of them an ensign who had taken her own life a week after their liberation. Janeway knew it had been her fault. If she had protected her crew better…

As for herself, since she had regained control of her ship, she had felt numb. Not dead, because everything hurt. Not physically, although she still suffered pain from Kashyk’s assault, but mentally. She felt the weight of every word directed at her, the cut of every look, and she shied away from any physical contact. She hadn’t said a word about anything that had happened to her in her quarters that night. She had asked the Doctor to take care of the other women, but she had refused to be examined herself. She probably knew everyone was worried about her, but she preferred to believe they were judging her and finding her lacking.

Janeway now acted on autopilot most of the time, and she could feel Chakotay’s and the other officers’ disapproval. When she decided to procure a transwarp core from a Borg scout ship, she knew the others thought her reckless. By then, she didn’t care. She still cared about her crew, but she saw only a way to get them home faster. And when Seven had to be rescued from the sphere – after she had relented and let her go on the mission – she never even thought of not going after her. If she hadn’t been overpowered by Tuvok and Tom Paris, she would have gone alone – her own life was no longer important, but the idea of losing Seven, the closest thing she had to a daughter, was unbearable. Not to mention the fact that it would be another failure to add to what she already saw as a long list.

She hadn’t planned on the Delta flyer taking a serious beating on the way back and on ending up in sickbay on their return, however. If she had, she would have armed herself for the Doctor’s harangue better.

“You know, Captain, I’m a doctor, not a miracle worker. If you insist on throwing yourself into danger and neglecting your health, there’ll come a time I won’t be able to help you.”

“Whatever, Doctor. I need to get back on the Bridge.”

“Captain – with all due respect, I have to point out you’re not fit for duty. You know that as CMO, I have the power to relieve you of your command.”

Janeway jumped up – or at least, she tried to, ending up slowly getting to her feet and planting herself, arms crossed, before the Doctor.

“I’m fine, Doctor.”

“You’d say that on your death bed.”

She had to acknowledge he had a point – but hell would freezes over before she would let him relieve her of command. Slowly but surely, her deep anguish was giving way to anger.

“If I say I’m fine, I’m fine – let it go, Doctor”, she managed through gritted teeth.

He shook his head, but let her go.

Her temper came to boiling point not even a week later, when the Doctor informed her that Harry Kim was having a fling with an alien. After thoroughly dressing him down and getting a formal reprimand on his file, she just managed to wait until he had left the room before crashing on the banquette in her ready room, pummelling it with her fists and bursting into loud sobs. Another betrayal, it seemed to her. And if Seven was the daughter she’d never had, Harry was like a godson. He had come to her straight out of the academy, and she had seen him grow and flourish. So for him to disobey the rules was not only unexpected but also very, very disappointing.

This time, after this chapter of unfortunate events, Janeway was unable to bounce back, and the next morning, she did not appear on the bridge. She tried – always the captain, duty first, stiff upper lip – but as she left her quarters, she was overtaken by a panic attack. At first she thought she was, indeed, dying, and for a few seconds she welcomed the idea. But the pain in her chest, the shivers and the light-headed feelings replaced the brief moment of elation by a sensation of loneliness and dread so intense that she only just made it to the bathroom before vomiting the contents of her empty stomach in the toilet. The bile burning her throat, she collapsed on the floor, put her arms around her knees and willed the nightmare to stop.

When Chakotay and Tuvok all but forced her door several hours later by overriding her codes, they found her like that, wild-haired, red-eyed, still sitting on the bathroom floor, apparently rooted to the lino. She glanced up and buried her head in her arms again. She would have given anything for them not to have seen her like that – broken. She had fooled them – or so she thought – for a while now. An unspoken message between the two men made Tuvok leave and Chakotay slid to the floor beside her.

“I’ll just be here with you, Kathryn – is that all right?”

Small nod.

“I’d like to put my arms around you – would that be okay? You’re freezing.”

Another small nod. He thus put his arms round her shoulders and felt her shaking. Goodness! She was so tiny. He had noticed she had lost weight – but the uniform hid most of the loss. Now, his hands felt her collarbone, and he berated himself for not having done anything sooner. They remained like that, in silence, until she buried her face in his chest. Then he asked if he could carry her to her bed, and she nodded for the third time.

He was gentle with her their first time together – she hadn’t told him the details, but he had guessed the ordeal she had gone through. It didn’t happen that day of the panic attack – that was only the beginning of what happened after . There were more diners together, more evenings spent with coffee and wine and conversation, kisses on the hands, kisses in the neck, kisses on the soft lips. He was tender and he behaved like a gentleman – he understood that she needed to gentle sex again. And when she felt his mouth on her for the first time, when the wetness between her legs showed her she could feel again, when she cried out in ecstasy, she was finally healed.


End file.
